Suspicions
by griot aka Michele
Summary: Catherine suspects that Sara's illness is more than the flu. Last of the series begun by Not A Working Relationship
1. Chapter 1

**Suspicions**

**Catherine suspects that Sara's illness is more than the flu. This story is the final in the series begun with Not A Working Relationship. Many thanks to my betas Joan and Sheeny. Ladies, you make me sound good.**

Chapter One

The Las Vegas CSI night shift was gathered in their usual positions around the table, anticipating assignments, when Gil Grissom ambled into the break room.

"I've got an armed robbery downtown. The bank manager was held at gunpoint after everyone had left for the day. Called it in when he was released about an hour ago. Catherine, you and Warrick get started on that. Nick, you and Greg follow up on the witness interviews in the Kelly murder. Sara, you process the evidence from the B & E. Do you think you're up to it?"

"You're not restricting me to the lab again. The Kelly case is mine. I'll do the interviews," stated Sara defiantly.

"The case _is_ yours. But since you've been ill, we've all been working this one. And since you're looking pretty green at the moment, I'd rather you not get sick on any witnesses. Nick and Greg can handle this." Grissom was also defiant.

"NO! You've been treating me like a child, just because I have the flu." Sara's voice was elevating, as was her color. "I'm perfectly capable of conducting an interview without throwing up."

Sara had jumped up from her seat and was glaring at Grissom. The team all looked at each other apprehensively. Sara's ill temper and insubordination were obviously a result of her prolonged physical illness. Everyone had been concerned about this lingering flu. No one, including Grissom, was willing to challenge her over the interviews when she was so agitated.

Grissom looked at Sara closely, trying to determine if she was indeed capable of an interview at this moment.

But as quick as her temper had flared, the heightened color just as suddenly drained from her face. Sara's hand went to her mouth as she ran from the room toward the bathroom.

"What just happened?" asked Nick, mouth agape. Everyone just stared after Sara's fleeing form.

"I'll go check on her," volunteered Catherine.

Although they hadn't seen eye to eye on many occasions, Catherine was most concerned about Sara's health. She had been sick for over a week, even prompting two days off. Catherine didn't remembered Sara ever taking time off for illness before. She couldn't keep food down. Her moods were erratic and she was losing weight. And then yesterday at a crime scene, in spite of the lost weight, Sara was complaining that her vest was too tight and uncomfortable.

It was time for an intervention.

Before going to the restroom, Catherine stopped in the morgue. Doc Robbins was nowhere to be found. But Catherine knew where to find what she wanted. She would replace it later.

When Catherine pushed opened the door of the restroom, Sara was splashing water on her face. She was pale and shaking. Catherine pulled a paper towel from the dispenser and handed it to Sara to wipe her face. After Sara had disposed of the towel, Catherine held out her hand.

Sara looked at the box being displayed. "What's this?" she asked impatiently.

"It's a pregnancy test."

"I can see that. Where did you get it?" Sara was disconcerted.

"Al keeps them in the morgue. I borrowed this one." Catherine pushed the box toward Sara.

"Why would you think I need that?" asked Sara as she turned back to the sink. She wet the paper towel Catherine had handed her.

"You keep throwing up. You're moody and losing weight. And the complaints that your vest is uncomfortable lead me to the conclusion that your breasts are tender. When was the last time you had a period?"

Sara looked at Catherine in askance as she wiped her face with the wet paper towel. "I've never been regular, Catherine. With my low weight, it has been a problem for years. My being late is not unusual."

"So you're telling me there is no way you can be pregnant." Catherine was skeptical.

Sara turned to Catherine with an expression of defiance, which faded into a nervous exasperation. She grabbed the box, went into the stall, and closed the door behind her.

Wanting to give Sara some privacy, Catherine went to the break room to send Warrick on to the crime scene. Warrick was still there with his kit in hand, awaiting Catherine's return before heading out.

"By the look on your face, I'd guess you're sending me on alone. Sara's not doing any better?" Warrick was concerned.

Catherine shook her head. "I'm going to try to get her to go to the doctor, or at least home. You go ahead and I'll meet you at the scene as soon as I can."

When Warrick left, Catherine calculated that enough time had elapsed. She could return to the rest room to help Sara deal with the results of the test. She returned to the rest room and found Sara still sitting in the stall.

"Are you okay, Sara?" Catherine inquired gently.

Sara pushed open the door, but continued to sit, clothes intact, on the toilet seat.

Sara consulted her watch. "We'll know in two minutes."

Catherine stood uncomfortably, uncertain what to say. "I should have known you were seeing someone. The last few months, you've been content, playful, sometimes downright giddy. Until this."

Sara stared straight ahead. She opened her mouth to speak.

"You know, I've never wanted kids. My childhood was…well, it never inspired me to be a parent. People learn how to be parents from their own parents. What I learned from mine is not something I would want to pass on to anyone. So children were simply not on my life's agenda."

Catherine was stunned. She and Sara rarely talked. Their relationship could never be called anything but casual professional. So it was no surprise that Catherine knew nothing of Sara's life prior to their working together. But she would never have guessed that Sara had experienced a difficult childhood. One that apparently was bad enough to squelch the maternal instinct. In spite of her own complex childhood, Catherine had never doubted that she wanted kids.

"They tell you in high school, it only takes one time to get pregnant. We were always careful to use protection. Our first time, we both had condoms with us in eager, but safe, anticipation. But it only takes once. It had been almost two months, we were working so much overtime on the Beckstrom case. You know how disturbing that case was." Catherine nodded in agreement. "It created a lot of tension. Physical as well as emotional. We needed the release. Protection was the last thing on our minds."

The use of the word 'we' was not lost on Catherine. She was pretty sure a light bulb was flashing over her head. Grissom's pleasant demeanor of the past few months suddenly made perfect sense.

Sara looked at her watch and, taking a deep breath, looked at the stick. Catherine didn't need to see the stick. The look on Sara's face told her the result.

"Sara, don't let your bad experiences as a child dictate your reaction to this. You would not be the only one raising this child. Grissom has a lot of faults, but he'd make a great father." The look of panic on Sara's face prompted Catherine to quickly add, "Who else could it be, Sara? Your devotion to him has been evident for years. You have both been glowing lately. I should have made the connection sooner." With a small smile, she added, "You two are good for each other. I'm glad you finally got together."

Sara stood up and started pacing. "Catherine, raising a child is a huge responsibility. One that many people, people like my parents, don't take seriously. They get all excited and figure they can easily handle a cute little baby that they can cuddle. They forget about the eighteen years that follow. I won't be like that. I'm not ready to be a mother."

"Sara, I'm here to tell you, no one is really ready to be a parent. It's on-the-job training. Lindsay is fourteen and I'm still learning. I doubt anyone would call me a good parent, least of all my mother. But I try, and much of the time, I succeed.

"I appreciate that some people shouldn't have kids. We have seen way too many of those kinds of people on this job. It all hinges on the motivation. You do need to have the right motives to do it well. But parenting can be learned as you go. You don't have to depend on what you learned, or didn't learn, from your own parents. Again, I'm a prime example. It's the desire to be a good parent that makes a good parent. And I think that desire is in you, or you wouldn't be so conflicted over this." Catherine put her arm around Sara's shoulders. "Talk to Grissom. Let him help you with this decision. After all, it's his baby, too."

Sara looked into Catherine's eyes and saw sincerity. She nodded her head with a sigh. Catherine took her arm from Sara's shoulders and gave her a little push.

"Now go home. You need rest. And some time to think this through. I'll tell Grissom you went home."

Sara turned to Catherine in a panic.

"Catherine, don't tell him anything. I need to do this on my own." Sara knew Catherine would want to make this easier for her. Her heart was in the right place. But Sara was too unsure of her path to let Catherine put up any obstacles or to push her along a path she didn't want.

Catherine put her hand to her mouth and moved it from left to right, fingers imitating zipping a zipper. "Go home, Sara. I need to get to my crime scene."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Warrick, can you start logging in the evidence while I go talk to Grissom? I want him to check on Sara." Catherine and Warrick had spent the entire shift interviewing the bank manager and gathering photos and evidence. They needed to log in the evidence before they could leave. And shift was just about over.

Catherine had informed Grissom by text message that she had sent Sara home. She didn't want Grissom to have too much information too soon. She wanted to give Sara time to figure out how she would tell him about the pregnancy.

Catherine let her mind wander to fifteen years ago when she found out she was pregnant with Lindsay. The panic still gripped her when she thought about having a baby then. She was dancing and doing drugs and was not equipped to handle a baby. Now, she was even more aware of what there was to panic about.

She and Lindsay hadn't gotten along for some time. It was difficult to be a mom with no one to lean on. Even when Eddie was alive, he was no help with Lindsay. He was more of a playmate to her than a father. Now that Lindsay was a teenager, the pitfalls were even greater. Knowing if or when to take her to the doctor when she had a fever was one issue. Knowing whether or not to take her to the doctor for birth control was quite another.

Even knowing the heartache she had gone through with Lindsay, and how much more heartache there would be throughout her life, Catherine wouldn't change the decision to have her daughter. The joys Lindsay had brought to her life far outweighed the anguish. How could she show that to Sara? With a sense of melancholy, she realized that all Sara ever heard from her was her travails as a single mother. No wonder Sara was reluctant to tackle the evils of motherhood that Catherine seemed to highlight in her life. On the surface, it was a lot to ask of a person.

But Sara would have Grissom to help. Grissom was probably the most brilliant man Catherine had ever met. He was kind and gentle, even if he was a bit clueless at times. With a good friend to keep him on the right track, she was certain he would be a great husband.

And father. She had seen him working with kids before. His calm but thorough explanation of events had endeared him to more than one distraught child. Once, after dispatching a newly orphaned youngster with a grieving relative, Catherine had asked him if he ever thought about having kids of his own. He responded, "When I was younger. But I'm too old now." Apparently not.

What type of childhood must Sara have had to make her so certain she could not be a mother? Catherine's childhood had been far from ideal. Yet her hesitancy to have her baby was due to drawbacks and problems with her lifestyle, not her parenting skills itself. Sara was so logical and detailed, even to the point of boring, that her lifestyle certainly was not an issue. Catherine couldn't imagine what miseries would create such reluctance. She might not see eye-to-eye with Sara on a lot of things but she was convinced Sara would be a good mother. If only she gave herself the chance.

And that all hinged on Grissom. His reaction to the pregnancy was uncertain. If it was what she expected, she was certain his persuasive powers would convince Sara to have the baby. If he truly thought he was too old to be a father, he might encourage an abortion. If that was the case, maybe Catherine should start preparing herself for that possibility. Just because her happiness was wrapped up in her daughter didn't mean everyone's happiness depended on children. "Aunthood" might not be in her future.

Catherine finally found Grissom leaving the morgue. He was engrossed in the autopsy report in his hand. Catherine had to grab his arm to get his attention.

"Grissom, you need to stop by and check on Sara."

"I need to finish this up. I'll see her later."

"I don't think this can wait until later. You need to convince her to go to the doctor."

This got his attention. "So you suspect something specific, Catherine?"

"I think she's…I think she has complications. I talked to her about my suspicions. I'm very worried."

"What is wrong with her, Catherine? You and Sara have never been close. What can be so serious that you are this concerned?" Grissom's expression indicated suspicion.

"I can't tell you. I promised her I wouldn't say anything to you." Catherine paused. Grissom looked at her with intensity, trying to gauge the seriousness of the situation.

"She's going to need our support. You're right. Sara and I haven't been close. But you and she have been close in the past. So she's especially going to need your support, Gil. Go to her now."

After only a slight hesitation, Grissom turned and went to his office. Seconds later, with briefcase in hand, he hurried out the door.

And now began the hard part for Catherine. Waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Grissom's mind was consumed by Catherine's comments as he raced to Sara's apartment. Sara and Catherine had never been more than cordial colleagues. Their personalities were too disparate to be anything else. If Catherine was this worried about Sara, it had to be serious.

Tires squealed on the pavement as a nearby semi-truck's brakes were applied with force. Grissom was dragged back to reality by the frightening sound; instinct took over and he applied his own brakes.

"You asshole! That's a stop sign! Are you trying to get us both killed?" The truck driver had exited his vehicle and was heading toward the Denali. Grissom took a deep breath, opened his own door and stepped out.

Raising his hands in surrender, he said with some urgency, "I'm sorry. My…my wife is ill and I'm on my way home to her. I'm pretty upset, and I obviously didn't pay attention to the stop sign. And I pass it every day. You're absolutely right; I could have gotten us both killed."

The trucker stood face to face with Grissom. His grizzled countenance began to soften as he looked into Grissom's eyes. Those eyes reflected his distraught demeanor. With great control, the trucker said, "Wouldn't do your wife any good if you were dead, would it? If she's that ill, she doesn't need to go to no hospital to see you. Take it easy the rest of the way home, will ya'?"

With unabashed relief, Grissom responded, "Absolutely. Thank you for your understanding."

Yelling some colorful expletives to the honking car maneuvering around them, the trucker headed back for his truck, smacking the trunk of the offending vehicle with his open palm as it passed. Grissom closed the Denali's door and slowly accelerated, heading toward Sara's apartment at a more sedate pace.

He would be no good to Sara dead. He needed to focus on his driving. But the urgency in Catherine's voice echoed in his head.

What could possibly be wrong with Sara? Her illness had worried him from the beginning. Sara insisted that it was just the flu. He monitored her temperature, which seemed normal. He had purchased cases of 7-Up and crackers and made gallons of vegetable broth in hopes she would be able to keep something in her stomach.

But it wasn't just the nausea and lack of appetite that had him concerned. It was the way it seemed to come and go. Sara could be heaving what little she had in her stomach one minute and demanding a peanut butter sandwich the next. When he had insisted that she go to the doctor, she logically pointed out that the symptoms would probably be absent by the time she got there.

And she seemed tired all the time. When in the lab, she would take the opportunity to sit whenever it presented itself. She had even been seen moving chairs from other areas of the lab to facilitate that opportunity. She took regular breaks, a novelty which was commented upon by more than one person. When shift was over, she went straight home to bed.

There were also her mood swings. They were driving him crazy. Three days ago, she had been symptom-free for thirty-six hours. They had come home from work, grateful for the opportunity of a good nights sleep, uninterrupted by nausea. But when he followed her into the bedroom, she declared she needed space. She didn't want him there.

He went home, hurt and upset, wondering if this was the beginning of the end of their relationship. An hour later, as he lay sleepless in bed, trying to figure out if he had done something wrong, he heard the key in the lock. Moments later, she crawled into bed with him, crying that she loved him so much and didn't ever want to be away from him. Perplexed yet relieved, he held her until she cried herself to sleep. She woke up vomiting again.

Dealing with the emotional mood fluctuations of someone close to him was new to Grissom. He was not equipped to deal with it. He tested the waters before he said or did anything when dealing with her. He was afraid he had become distant. But on the other hand, he had no indication that she had even noticed. Considering her own changed, inward behavior, it was likely she hadn't. But this was not healthy for their relationship, which had always been open and comfortable. Sara's current illness threatened that comfort. Lately, he found he was reluctant to go home.

But today, he couldn't get home fast enough. Grissom didn't care how temperamental Sara was, as long as she was alright physically.

Was there an underlying emotional issue? He told her he loved her all the time and demonstrated it any way he could. He had not broached the subject of marriage again. But she knew how he felt. Sara could not have misgivings about his love for her. And of all the things in this world of which he was certain, he was most certain that Sara loved him as well. The look in her eyes whenever she glanced at him was proof of that. He was confident his eyes reflected the same. No, their love for each other was not in doubt.

Perhaps Sara's tragic childhood had planted the seeds of a mental disorder. Grissom was more familiar with biology. Psychological disorders were not in his realm. But if Sara's problem was psychological, he would get her the help she needed and give her all of his support.

What if she had some fatal physical malady? Cancer or a blood disorder, perhaps. Since Catherine had deduced the problem, perhaps it was a problem specific to women, something of which he would have no clue. Grissom's mind filled with visions of a hospitalized Sara, hooked up to a multitude of tubes, he holding her hand at her bedside. The visualization took his breath away. If he lost Sara, Grissom rationally knew he would go on living. But with her would go all desire to live.

With the thought of losing her raging through his brain, Grissom's sense of urgency returned and he abandoned caution once again. His foot pressure increased on the accelerator and his driving became more aggressive. He darted between cars, precariously passing large trucks as well as family sedans. When an irate driver honked at him, he gave them an uncustomary, rude finger gesture. In his agitated mind, the risk seemed worth the reward; he was within a block of Sara's apartment.

The tires of the Denali slammed into the parking island as Grissom squealed into the parking space, applying the brakes a bit too late. Grabbing his briefcase, he jumped from the car and bounded up the stairs to Sara's apartment. He found the right key on his key fob and paused to take a deep breath. It would do Sara no good to see him panicked. She needed whatever strength he could give her.

Grissom unlocked and slowly opened the door. Sara sat on the sofa in a deceptive state of calm. Her eyes, red from crying, turned to look at him. Used tissues were scattered about her on the floor and the sofa. Placing his briefcase on the floor and his keys on the table, Grissom quietly walked to the sofa, sat down next to Sara and took her hand in his. Sara looked down at their joined hands.

"Whatever it is, we'll get through this together. I'll take you to the doctor, the hospital, a different country if we have to. But we will get through this."

Sara remained silent, staring at the tangle of digits. Grissom took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. "Sara, what's wrong with you?" Still nothing. Sara continued to sit silently and simply stared at their hands. "Honey, what can be so bad that you can't tell me?"

Sara slowly raised her eyes to look at Grissom. Her lips quivered as she tried to maintain her composure. It was obviously slipping and Grissom gripped her hands tighter, nodding his head in encouragement.

Almost too low to hear, she finally whispered, "I'm pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_Author's note: This brief chapter is Grissom's inner turmoil at the news of Sara's condition._

_Relief_

Sara was pregnant! No fatal disease. No mental disorder. No emotional trauma. She's just pregnant.

_Confusion_

Pregnant? How could she possibly be pregnant? They were careful to always use protection. It was almost second nature. Except…

Grissom looked toward the kitchen.

_Realization_

After the Beckstrom abduction. They had been so needy of each other that night. The sex had been…animalistic. That was the only way he could describe it. He had taken her on the kitchen island as a beast takes his mate in heat. She had minimized the nature of it by calling it a 'good fuck'. But he had been appalled at his own fierce need for copulation with little regard to her needs. Preparing to withdraw, he'd reached down to secure the condom…and realized he hadn't used one.

They had panicked. But Sara had done a quick calculation and assured him that they should be safe. It would seem that her calculations were off.

The rest of that night had been just as memorable. They had laughed about how much biological evidence the team would find if her kitchen became a crime scene. This led to numerous jokes about sex at crime scenes. They fell into bed, exhausted from sex and laughter. After a short nap, Grissom awakened Sara with the most tender lovemaking of their relationship. He wanted, needed to show her, and himself, that the previous encounter had been an anomaly. They hadn't used a condom that time either. Sara insisted that the barn door was already open. If the horse was going to escape, it was already out. It would appear that the horse was, indeed, out.

It was the second union that Grissom chose to believe was the origin of this pregnancy.

_Elation_

Sara was pregnant. Their love had been the source of ultimate creation – new life. They were going to have a baby. He was going to be a father. Sara was going to be a mother. They were going to be parents. Their life together was forever coupled with the creation of this new life. They would be a family. Sara might even want to marry him now.

_Concern_

The relationship could no longer be kept secret. Catherine knew. Everyone else would know soon. Which was what Grissom wanted. But under more controlled circumstances. There was still a chance to announce it themselves. Perhaps they could still maintain some control. Of course, it was also possible that they might get fired once this became public knowledge. Whatever the final result, this pregnancy would undoubtedly change their work situation.

And their lives. Although they functionally lived together, they maintained separate apartments. This was in part due to the lack of space at either of their homes. With a new addition on the way, they would have to get a bigger place. One he and Sara both could call their own. With lots of room. A nursery, of course. An office for them both. He would need a secure area for his insects, as well as everything that could be dangerous to or endangered by a child. A nice yard for play equipment. A baby needs space to grow. They might even want to plan something large enough for further family expansion. He didn't like being an only child. Every kid should have a sibling. They should have at least one more. They'd need to talk about that, since Sara may not want another.

_Fear_

Sara may not want this one. She was obviously very upset by this pregnancy. What if Sara didn't want this baby? She had never indicated a desire for children. Not everyone was meant to be a parent. Catherine said that Sara would need his support. She may have meant he should support her emotionally and financially with an abortion. He and Sara had never talked about kids. Maybe children were not part of her life plan. Maybe that's the real reason she didn't want to get married. When you're married, everyone expects you to have kids.

Grissom couldn't let his own wishes supersede Sara's needs. He couldn't ask this of Sara unless she wanted it. Kids were not part of his plan, either, until five minutes ago. He needed to keep his own desires concealed until he found out what Sara wanted to do. He wanted this baby. But he wanted Sara more. He loved Sara and he needed her to know that it was her decision and whatever she decided, he would support her.

_Resolution_

What did Sara want? There was only one way to find out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Deepest apologies for the delay in posting this chapter. Real life has kicked my… As usual, gratitude to Joan and Lorie for keeping me honest.**

Sara hated him. She hated that he could just sit there holding her hand, his stone face not giving any indication that he had even heard what she had said. Other than the brief glance into the kitchen, his face hadn't moved a muscle since her announcement. She, on the other hand, had spent the past six hours on the sofa, crying herself to sleep. Each time she awoke, surrounded by used tissues, she would resume the tear fest. Even now, thoroughly exhausted, tears were close. How could he be so stoic?

The wooden clock on the desk ticked off the seconds. The brass feet reflected the limited light within the room, giving the impression that eyes were watching them. Grissom had purchased the clock shortly after hauling over a load of his clothes and hanging them in her closet. He said their virtual co-habitation required something classic to commemorate it. She suspected that the purchase had more to do with his distaste of the clock that previously sat on the desk than sentiment. The clock was a cheap one she had purchased out of immediate need, not design. Thrifty home decoration from Wal-Mart was a long-standing tradition in her family. The stylish Howard Miller clock Grissom had purchased was definitely not from a discount store.

Finally, Grissom's lips moved.

"What are we going to do?" His voice was low and without emotion. Sara remained silent. What could she say? She knew what she wanted to do. But how would Grissom react? Her mind was in such a state of chaos. How could she put it into words? After several moments of tense silence, Grissom's voice sounded again in the quiet room, low and deliberate.

"What do _you_ want to do?"

Sara pulled her hand from his grasp and rose. Grissom's eyes followed her. She began pacing the room like a caged cat, her long legs completing the circuit of the small room swiftly, then turning and repeating the process in the opposite direction.

Her words came out, rushed. "Kids have never been a part of my life's agenda. I mean, what kind of mother would I make? You learn what you live. Kids learn how to be parents from their parents. Bad parents produce more bad parents. And the least discerning person could tell you my parents were bad. I was determined not to perpetuate the cycle."

Sara paused and took a deep breath. She needed to calm down and focus her thoughts. She wanted Grissom to understand her decision. Grissom _deserved_ to understand her decision.

She began again. "When I was eighteen, I tried to get a tubal ligation. I couldn't find a gynecologist to do it. They all said I was too young to make such a drastic decision. But birth control was readily available and it didn't seem like a big issue to just effectively use that. I mean, it's not like I was ever very sexually active. Until recently."

Sara gave Grissom a penetrating glance, then continued her pacing.

"We've always been careful. Even that one time, I was sure that we were safe. It wasn't logical to make that assumption because I've never been that regular. But since I didn't want kids, pregnancy just wasn't within my realm of possibility.

"When Catherine brought me that pregnancy test this morning, I was shocked. How could she think I was pregnant? I couldn't possibly be pregnant.

"And yet, as soon as she outlined her evidence, I knew. I didn't even have to read the results. I knew.

"I also knew I couldn't have this baby. _I don't have the skills to raise a child_."

Sara stopped pacing and looked past Grissom, as if looking into the memory.

"But then Catherine said something that shook my world. She said, 'Talk to Grissom before you make any decisions. It's his baby, too.'"

Sara paused, still looking nowhere, as if in a trance. Grissom shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, unwilling to take his eyes off of her.

Coming out of her reverie, Sara looked directly at Grissom. "I've thought about Catherine's comment all afternoon, between crying my eyes out and sleeping from exhaustion. And I came to a realization. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. I can't…no, I don't want to try and imagine my life without you."

Sara placed her hand on her abdomen. "This baby is a part of you. How can I get rid of something that is a part of you, loving you like I do?"

With a sigh, the pacing started again.

"Yet, I can't do this alone. The fact still remains that I have no skills. Catherine insists that skills can be learned if the desire is there. And she is convinced that you would help me. But we've never talked about a family. I don't know how you feel about having children. I've seen you working with kids and it seems so natural for you. But do you want kids of your own? I have no idea."

Sara stopped pacing and planted herself directly in front of Grissom and looked intently into his eyes. "So the decision rests with you, Dr. Grissom. Do _you_ want this baby?"

Grissom looked deeply into Sara's eyes. He pondered the answer to this question, then took a deep breath. "When I was younger, I guess I just assumed that I would eventually have a family. I think most men do. I suspect it's related to perceptions of virility." Grissom shrugged it off.

"But I never thought seriously about taking steps toward the actuality. I was occupied with my career. Until recently, that's always been the most important thing in my life. Wife and family were something down the road. Women were no more than a nice distraction.

"Until I met you. Of course by then, I had looked in the mirror and realized how old I had gotten. And I felt that a family was no longer an option. You were young, smart, and beautiful. Any chance with you seemed out of the question. Since you are the only one with whom I've considered sharing my life, by extension, that meant a family was also out of the question.

"Once, after a case involving kids, Catherine asked me if I ever thought about having children of my own. I told her I used to but that dream had faded as my age increased. I was too old now.

"You know what she said? She said many of the great biblical heroes were either fathers late in life, like Abraham, or were the progeny of parents considered too old to conceive. Like John the Baptist. I still haven't recovered from the shock of Catherine knowing _anything_ about the Bible."

This drew a nervous laugh from Sara.

Grissom slowly rose from the sofa and approached Sara. He put his hand on her abdomen and looked from his hand to her eyes. When it seemed that his gaze had pierced to her soul, he said, "This baby could be the next president, or the scientist who discovers the cure for cancer. The possibilities are endless since it is as much a part of you as it is of me. And loving you as I do, how can I _not_ want this baby?"

All of the tension drained from Sara's body and she leaned into Grissom, placing her arms around his neck. He moved his hands around to Sara's back, cradling her in a protective embrace.

"I'm old fashioned enough to think that kids should have parents married to each other before their birth. I've never thought about a family because we've never gotten past the marriage hurdle.

"Considering this new development, do you think you might reconsider your stance on marriage?"

Sara was thoughtful for a few moments, then, pulling back from the embrace, nodded her head in the affirmative.

A grin slowly spread across Grissom's face. He kissed Sara deeply, then removed his arms from around her. He gestured with his hands that she stay where she was. He moved quickly to the door and picked up his briefcase. Placing it on the table, he opened it, reached in and pulled out a small velvet box. Returning to Sara's side, he opened the box to reveal a sparkling diamond ring, complete with matching wedding band.

Sara's mouth was agape. "When did you buy this?"

"The day after you turned down my proposal. I went to a jeweler and picked out our rings in anticipation of the day you would say yes. My wedding band is in my briefcase as well." Sara's look of disbelief prompted, "I told you I wasn't giving up."

He removed the engagement ring from the box and put it on Sara's finger. It was a perfect fit. "I borrowed a ring from your jewelry box to get the size," said Grissom when Sara looked surprised. She moved her hand so that the light danced on the facets, creating a rainbow effect against the wall. Smiling broadly, she threw her arms around Grissom's neck. Grissom responded by wrapping his arms around Sara's waist. Lifting her off the ground, he spun her around like a school boy, threw back his head, and proclaimed, "We're having a baby!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"Dean. DeWitt can see you now, Dr. Grissom." The secretary replaced the telephone receiver in its cradle as she gestured toward the door to her left.

Grissom rose from his seat and walked toward the door, only to have it open as he reached for the knob. A robust man in his mid-fifties appeared on the other side.

"Gil, it's good to see you!" The Dean of the School of Science at Western Las Vegas University pounded Grissom on the back with his left hand as he pumped Grissom's right hand up and down. "What can I do for the Las Vegas Crime Lab?" he asked as the men moved into the office. Grissom sat in the chair in front of the desk while the office's occupant returned to his own seat behind the desk.

"Actually, I'm here on personal business."

Dr. Kevin DeWitt raised a perplexed eyebrow. Grissom continued.

"I've come to a crossroads in my life, Kevin. My job at the lab doesn't fulfill me like it used to. In addition, the job is not compatible with recent developments in my personal life."

A smile spread across DeWitt's face as he leaned back in his chair. "So someone has finally corralled Gil Grissom! It's about time. I didn't think it would ever happen. I'm surprised you were able to find anyone who is willing to put up with you and your bugs. I hope you are worthy of her."

Grissom, returning the smile, shook his head. "No, I'm not. But for some reason, she loves me. So I'm going to do my best to make her happy."

Kevin DeWitt nodded. "I hope you have better luck than I did."

"You might have succeeded better if you had stayed away from nubile teaching assistants," Grissom smirked.

The older man shrugged in acquiescence. "Perhaps. But I've successfully managed to avoid that obstacle for the past several years. If I had learned that lesson sooner, I may have kept my wife _and_ made dean in a more timely manner.

"So how can I help you in your quest to bring happiness to the fair maiden? I'm pretty sure you're well versed in all the biological means to ensure her happiness, so I doubt if that's why you're here."

Grissom ignored the remark and went straight to the point. "I was hoping you might have a teaching position available."

DeWitt's head snapped to attention. He tried to hide his excitement. "As you know, WLVU does not have an entomology division. Any position would be as general biology faculty. WLVU is not one of the more prominent schools, either. I would expect you to approach a more prestigious university looking for a position in your field of expertise."

Grissom had expected the question and was ready. "Since WLVU has no entomology department, I could apply for grants to begin to establish one and build it from the ground up. The university has a strong research program with well-maintained facilities. Additionally, there is much work being done in conjunction with the bigger schools, so I would have access to their resources as well. The reputation of the biology department is impeccable. And I don't really want to leave Las Vegas."

DeWitt grinned. "The last being the real reason you came to me." Grissom shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head in a gesture implying the dean may come to his own conclusions.

Kevin DeWitt sighed. "We do not currently have any openings. Creating a position for you will take some effort and diplomacy. I don't want to invest the effort to hire you now just to see you leave for a more lucrative or prominent position later when you decide you can leave Las Vegas."

"Kevin, I'm not going to tell you I'll never leave here. I don't know what events may transpire in life that might require I do just that. But I can promise you that money and prestige have never been my goal. If I have either of those, it is subsequent to the true goal of my life – seeking knowledge and truth. WLVU provides a vehicle for my tireless quest for knowledge. And I will be loyal to the best of my ability."

Kevin DeWitt had known Gil Grissom long enough to know he was sincere. And Grissom's veracity was never a matter for conjecture.

His excitement no longer contained, DeWitt rose to his feet and began to pace. "I'll have to draw up a proposal to add the new position. I'll present that at the chairs meeting next month. The budgetary concerns will be tough. But I'm sure we'll get enough support from the Board of Directors to get you added into the budget. Brad Summit in particular has often commented on how lucky Las Vegas is to have you here locally as a resource. I'm sure he'll push it through for us. I'm having lunch with him in two weeks. I'll approach him then about the best options for success. If we're lucky, we'll have you here by next fall."

Grissom grimaced. "I was hoping for something this semester."

DeWitt shook his head vigorously. "No way can we get a new position in place this semester, Gil. You know how bureaucracy works."

Grissom had wanted to avoid exposing the intimate details of their lives. But he also needed to be frank with this man who was offering him the chance he needed for a healthy, mostly normal, life with Sara.

Grissom took a deep breath. "Sara, my fiancé, and I work together. Our relationship, although it doesn't specifically violate departmental policy, could be construed as… inappropriate. The simplest thing to do is resign before the relationship becomes public. I'm sure you understand that this is confidential. Time is my enemy, Kevin. I need to leave the lab very soon. We're expecting a baby."

"So you're trying to avoid a scandal at the lab and you need to get established in a job before that happens. And to get medical coverage before the baby arrives." DeWitt seemed disappointed.

Grissom's mouth dropped and his eyebrows rose. "Actually, I hadn't thought about the insurance. I guess I assumed that would fall into place if our plans work out as I hope.

"My main concern is Sara. The job is still important to her even though it's lost the magic for me. If I resign before our relationship, and specifically the pregnancy, becomes common knowledge, I may be able to safeguard Sara's position in the department. There's no controversy if I'm gone. Sara's pregnancy becomes nothing more than sick leave." DeWitt nodded his head in agreement.

"Although I come to you out of convenience, I want to assure you that I am very much excited at the prospect of teaching and broadening my research interests here at WLVU. It is an exhilarating prospect that I hope will benefit us both."

Grissom was impelled to add, "And as much as I want this for myself, I want it more for Sara. She's made me happier than any man should expect to be. Personally, I'd prefer a loud and proud announcement today that we're in love and having a baby. But I don't ever want Sara to feel that she sacrificed her job for me and our child."

DeWitt nodded his understanding, then smiled, his respect restored. Turning jovial again, he jabbed, "I guess she's sacrificing enough if she's planning on spending her life with you, eh?"

"Exactly," concurred Grissom, now in a lighter mood himself.

DeWitt scrunched up his face in thought for a few moments, then picked up the phone and dialed. After a few rings, a voice could be heard answering. "Henry, when you begged for help teaching your graduate classes, how serious were you?"

A murmur from the other end brought a smile to DeWitt's face. "Very qualified. But I'm not revealing any names yet."

A droning voice hummed through the receiver and Kevin listened intently. "I'm sure he could handle that, Henry. But I'm not sure when we can get him. I have to look over the budget and do some negotiating. It may mean holding off this semester on that equipment you wanted." More mumbling as DeWitt rolled his eyes. "Yes, it would mean you'd still have time to apply for a grant for it. But let's get him on board first. Keep your fingers crossed and I'll get back to you."

DeWitt hung up the receiver and looked at Grissom skeptically.

"It would be part-time, teaching two graduate lectures. Starting as soon as you can arrange it. No health insurance, I'm afraid. The university only provides insurance for full-time faculty. The pay's not enough to support a family. But it would be some income until we can get a full-time position for you approved. And it would get you out of your current predicament. Can you live with that?"

Grissom smiled broadly. "I can live with that."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Grissom had never felt better in his life. He was in love with the woman of his dreams. They were going to be married and have a family. And he had just made a career change that excited him much more than he would have expected.

As he maneuvered through the traffic on the long drive back to Sara's apartment, Grissom pondered more changes. With a baby coming, they were going to need more space. In addition, both of their apartments were in the opposite direction of the university from the lab. They should start looking for a place somewhere that would be convenient for both of them to get to work. Working part-time, he would have more of an opportunity to look around. They had plenty of time before the baby came.

Before he had left the WLVU campus, Grissom and Kevin DeWitt had looked at the calendar and determined that Grissom would take over the biology lectures in two weeks. This would make the transition easier and it would give the university time to find space for him in the Biology offices. It would also provide him the flexibility to give two weeks notice to the lab in order to clear up any cases before he left.

Grissom was pulled from his musings by the ringing of his cell phone. He quickly pulled out of traffic and answered.

"Okay, I've been patient for two days," said Catherine. "I thought I'd find something out last night, but you both called in sick. What's going on with you two? Is Sara alright?"

Grissom smiled. He had expected this call long ago. Catherine's uncharacteristic patience was much appreciated in the middle of this period of turmoil and change.

"Sara had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. She should be home by now. I'm on my way to see her."

"You didn't go with her?" Catherine sounded shocked and disappointed at the same time.

"I had another appointment I had to keep. We didn't think to coordinate our calendars and scheduled our different appointments at the same time." Grissom was purposely being ambiguous.

"But, how is she?" Catherine was fishing, but Grissom wasn't taking the bait.

"She had another bout of morning sickness yesterday. But she's been able to keep down some crackers and soup today." Grissom knew it wasn't fair to make Catherine beg for the information considering the help she had been in this situation. But he just couldn't help himself. He felt too good about life today.

"Damnit, Gil, will you just tell me what I want to know? Is she going to keep the baby?" Grissom smiled at the frustration in his friend's voice.

"Yes, Catherine, _we_ are going to keep this baby. But for the time being, I need you to keep this confidential. I'm working on a remedy that should smooth out some issues that might arise at the lab." Grissom suddenly realized that Catherine may have already said something and held his breath to hear her reaction to his request.

"My lips will continue to be sealed." With resounding excitement, she continued, "I knew you'd convince her to keep the baby, Gil. I've suspected for awhile that you were the daddy type – even if it was closeted. I also know she'll be a great mom now that she's opened herself to it. Tell her I said so." Catherine's sentiments were heartfelt.

Sara was sitting on the sofa, literature spread out around her as Grissom entered the apartment. She held a pamphlet whose cover page flaunted a very pregnant woman, nude but made modest by strategically placed objects. Grissom had a vision of Sara looking like that in the not-too-distant future. He smiled. Sara looked up when Grissom threw his keys on the table on his way to her side.

"So, what did the doctor say?" he inquired as he moved the mound of papers to create sitting space next to her. He placed his arm around her shoulders.

"She says I'm pregnant," Sara quipped. Shaking her shoulders, Grissom furrowed his brow at her. She smiled and continued. "Dr. Newkirk pronounced me a bit underweight, but otherwise healthy. She gave me tips on how to handle the morning sickness, a book on healthy vegetarian meals, a regimen of vitamins, and this mountain of pamphlets and flyers." Sara spread her arms to indicate the documents scattered around her.

"I wish I could have gone with you," said Grissom as he took one of Sara's hands in his free hand. "I want to be a part of this pregnancy, too. We need to coordinate, make sure any meetings we have don't conflict with one another."

"You can come to the next one. I'll put it on your calendar, since we're going to coordinate appointments." Sara gave him her signature pursed lips as she tried not to laugh. Grissom wanted to kiss those lips every time she did that. This time, he succumbed to the desire. Leaning in, he brushed her lips with his, a tender kiss matching the tenderness he felt for her at this moment. When their lips parted, he looked into her eyes and saw the love he felt for her reflected there. As she moved to lean against his shoulder, some of the paperwork fell to the floor.

"In the meantime, we can read all of these pamphlets and flyers. One of them is for prenatal classes. We should check that out."

Sara began searching through the papers, a frown creasing her brow when she didn't find it. Grissom took his arm from her shoulder and began looking intently through the literature as well. It was a futile gesture as he had no idea what he was looking for.

"Here!" Sara leaned down to pick up the blue sheet that had fallen to the floor. There was a cartoon at the top –Olive Oyle's arm was draped around Popeye's shoulder as he held Sweet Pea. Grissom looked over Sara's shoulder as she read. "Prepare for the most amazing moment in your life! Whether this is your first or fifth pregnancy, this six week course will prepare you for what to expect on that day when you welcome your child into this world. The class will meet from 7:00-9:00 PM for six consecutive Tuesdays at the Las Vegas Women's Clinic. Cost is $100 per couple. Call 702-274-7802 to reserve your spot."

Without looking up, Sara asked, "Should we sign up now, or wait until we're closer to delivery?"

"I can't do this," said a guilt-ridden Grissom, indicating the sheet.

Noting the tone in Grissom's voice, Sara became very still, shifting her gaze to the floor. After several minutes of tense silence, Grissom cautiously said, "I'm sorry, but this just won't work."

Sara's shoulders dropped. "I can't believe I actually thought you were going to help me through this."

Realizing that Sara had misunderstood, Grissom quickly stood, pulling Sara to her feet. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and whispered in her ear. "Honey, of course I'm going to help you through this. I only meant I can't do this particular class. It's on Tuesday evenings. I have a class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings."

Skeptical, Sara pulled leaned away from the embrace. "A class?"

Grissom sighed. "I've done this badly. Let me start from the beginning. I went to see Kevin Dewitt at WLVU today."

Sara nodded her head. "On the Watkins case."

"Actually, I made an appointment to talk to him about a teaching job." Grissom noted Sara's stunned expression and hurriedly explained. "I've been wracking my brain, trying to work out our professional situation at the lab. How we could continue working there comfortably after everyone finds out about us. And I realized how very tired I am. I'm tired of the paperwork and politics and a lack of any kind of quality personal life."

Grissom released his grip on Sara and they sat down on the sofa again. He took her hand and looked at their joined hands reflectively.

"While I was in England teaching that class, I was free of all that. The students were enthusiastic, the course was a challenge that I welcomed, and I actually had free time to enjoy the town. I can't tell you how many nights I lay in bed thinking that if only you were there with me, I'd be in heaven."

Coming out of his reverie, Grissom looked into Sara's eyes and continued.

"So I went to see Kevin. When I worked with him on the Everson case two years ago, he tried to talk me into a teaching position and told me if I ever reconsidered to give him a call. So I did.

"The red tape required in creating another position will take some time. Longer than we have. I'm afraid I had to tell him about the baby because of the urgency of our situation. He offered and I've accepted a part-time position teaching two biology lectures on Tuesday and Thursday. If we need it, we'll have to pay for insurance until I'm full-time. But it's something that will allow me to quit the lab before anyone finds out about…us."

When Grissom stopped, Sara looked at him in disbelief, her head slowly shaking from side to side.

"You're upset?" Grissom queried in puzzlement. He had been so proud of the solution to their predicament.

"You made a decision that will radically change both of our lives without talking it over with me? Why would I be upset?" Sara pulled her hand from Grissom's, her temper barely being restrained.

Grissom knew he was treading into dangerous territory.

"Our lives have already been radically changed. We're having a baby! When they find out at the lab, the atmosphere will become intolerable – providing we don't get fired first. If you want to continue working at the lab, we need to do something quickly to avoid any chance of retribution. _Before_ our relationship becomes public knowledge."

"And the only solution you could think of was to quit, without talking to me first? You didn't think that I might have a way to solve this?" The timber of Sara's voice was up an octave, signifying to Grissom that he had not diffused the situation.

"Honey, be reasonable." He knew it was a mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. The sudden flash in Sara's eyes and clenched jaw told Grissom he was now in serious trouble. She jumped up from the sofa and stormed away into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Grissom looked at the closed door in amazement. It had happened so fast. What had he been thinking? Reflecting on his comment, he realized that it was insensitive to imply she was not being reasonable. Had he not learned over the past few weeks how emotional Sara was in her hormonal condition? He should have anticipated an extreme reaction, even without his thoughtless comment.

Especially since Sara was right. He should have discussed his idea with her before he acted. But the solution seemed so practical and perfect; he thought she would see it as clearly as he.

But this was not Grissom's first mistake. With all that Sara had been through in her life, Grissom wanted to save her from any unnecessary worrying. In his attempt to shield Sara from excess stress, Grissom had hidden his increasing dissatisfaction with work from her. At first it was just little work annoyances that he contrasted with the happiness in his newfound life with Sara. He now had a life outside the lab and it was infinitely better than his previous life. Of course he was happier at home than at work.

But gradually, it had become more. The science of the job that he had once loved was now being replaced by the endless paperwork. The solemnity of death that greeted them daily had seeped into his psyche. Sara had no idea how much Grissom longed to leave the lab now that the opportunity had solidified in his mind.

In the last few weeks, Grissom had steered clear of Sara when she was upset. This time, he would be proactive. He needed to fix this.

Heading for the kitchen, he put on water to boil so he could prepare a pot of Sara's favorite chamomile tea. While the water heated, he placed a plate of chocolate cookies on a tray. The one constant in the universe is that chocolate will quell the raging hormones of any woman. Adding the pot of steaming tea and two cups to the tray, Grissom slowly walked to the bedroom door.

Taking a deep breath, Grissom knocked on the door with his foot. Hearing no response, he carefully balanced the tray on one hand and opened the door.

Sara lay on the bed, her back turned toward him. Making his way to the nightstand, he cautiously maneuvered the tray onto the table while moving items out of the way. He poured tea into both cups. Sara was coaxed by the smell of the tea and sat up in bed. Grissom handed her the cup and then offered the plate of cookies. She took two and began munching, carefully avoiding eye contact with Grissom.

Grissom took his cup and sat on the edge of the bed next to Sara. He sat quietly sipping his tea, gazing at the floor. When he saw Sara reach for a third cookie, he looked at her to gauge her mood. He saw a tired calm that saddened him.

"Sara, I'm sorry. You're right. I should have talked to you about my idea. I was taking on the responsibility of planning both of our lives. And that is now a shared responsibility, no matter how difficult the planning may be. I honestly thought I was doing a good thing, sparing you any difficult decisions. But I was wrong. I am a member of this team, not the leader. I need to remember that." Grissom saw Sara's expression soften, her body relax. She finally looked at him.

"Sharing. That's what a relationship is all about. That means the bad as well as the good. We can't be afraid of sharing anything, no matter how difficult. And we can't judge each other or our actions. Like I did earlier. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so…argumentative. I need to work on this, too. We can handle anything if we do it together." Sara entwined her fingers with Grissom's to emphasize her point.

Grissom brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed Sara's hand. "There is something I haven't shared that I should." Sara looked apprehensively into Grissom's eyes. "I haven't been happy at the lab for awhile. The politics and paperwork have pummeled me to the point that I don't enjoy what I do anymore.

"I want to love my work again. I need to find the satisfaction in my professional life that will get me out of bed in the morning. Right now, I just want to stay in bed with you." They both giggled at the implications of the comment.

"I've always enjoyed instructing people. Perhaps that's part of my dissatisfaction at the lab. I've taught you and the rest of the team all I can. I no longer have that outlet in my work there. This teaching job will give me the opportunity to do what I enjoy. And it gives you the chance to continue working at the lab, which you still love, without the strain of office gossip and innuendo. It seems like a perfect solution.

"But, it may not be. If you have a different solution to consider, let's put it on the table and discuss the pros and cons of both. This needs to be a decision we both can live with."

Sara leaned forward and cupped Grissom's cheek with her free hand. "I should have known you were unhappy. A woman should sense that in her man."

Grissom leaned into her hand. "No, I worked hard to conceal it. Which really wasn't that hard. I was working with you. Being with you makes me happy, in spite of the circumstances. That's one thing I'd really miss."

Sara nodded. "When I think about it, that's why it upsets me to think of you gone from the lab. I won't get to work with you, see you every night even when we don't work a case together. I'll miss your input and perspective. I'll miss _you_."

Sara sighed. "I have no better solution to offer that satisfies the issues effectively. If you are unhappy at the lab, this seems like the perfect opportunity to leave, while simplifying our relationship issues at work."

Sara chuckled. "So, it seems that I will be the wife of a professor. Don't expect me to wear any dowdy dresses or attend faculty wives' functions. That is so not me. And don't even think about hiring some cute young Teaching Assistant. I know how those things end up."

Grissom laughed and crawled into bed with Sara, snuggling close. "You never have to worry about that. You're all the woman I'll ever need. Now, let's get some sleep. You can help me work on my resignation letter when we get up."

"Unless I have other ideas," said Sara suggestively wiggling her eyebrows.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Shift had been over for two hours and Grissom still sat in his office working through the mountain of paperwork. It was only fair to clear this up before the new supervisor took over. But it was a gargantuan job and he would have to put in some extra time to do it. Knowing it was the last he would have to do made the task less distasteful.

Engrossed in the reports, Grissom didn't hear the door close. He did, however see his resignation letter thrown on top of the testimony he was trying to read.

"What the hell is this?" demanded Conrad Ecklie, face red and arms flailing.

Grissom calmly looked at the letter, then looked up at Ecklie, serenely replying, "It's my letter of resignation."

Ecklie looked at Grissom with disgust. "Just what are you trying to pull here, Grissom? Is this a pathetic attempt to get a raise?"

Grissom removed his glasses and looked at Ecklie. "No. This is a formal letter announcing my intention to cease employment at this lab." Ecklie scrutinized Grissom skeptically.

Grissom sighed. "Look, Conrad. In the last year, I've become increasingly dissatisfied with my job. The long hours, the mountains of paperwork, the horrific things we see human beings do to one another daily. I've come to a point in my life where I need a change.

"Some time ago, I was offered a teaching position at Western Las Vegas University. I've decided to take them up on it. I start in two weeks."

"So this is some sort of mid-life crisis," Ecklie declared with a snort.

Grissom pondered this statement. "Perhaps. Most of my life has been spent establishing my career, to the detriment of all else. I've come to realize that there is more to life than this lab. There are things outside of my work that are much more satisfying."

Ecklie sneered with enlightenment, "So that's it. A woman."

Grissom smiled. "Not just any woman, Conrad. THE woman. The love of my life. If you had ever felt for another human being what I feel for her, you would understand."

A look of sadness passed over Ecklie's face. He seemed far off when he replied, "I understand better than you think. Did you know I was married once?" Grissom slowly shook his head in amazement. Ecklie sat down in the chair facing Grissom's desk.

"We were young, I was ambitious. I paid more attention to my career than her. She needed – no, she deserved - more. Today, she's happily married to an insurance salesman with three kids."

Looking up at Grissom, Ecklie became somber. "We've had our differences, Gil. We've not seen eye to eye on, well, practically anything. I thought you were arrogant and stubborn. Still do.

"When the sheriff came to me demanding you be sent to Oxford, I was furious. So much so that I said some things to him that were not very politically correct. I was reprimanded. I realized that to protect my job, I had to get a grip on why I was so mad.

"Self-reflection is a scary thing. Do you know what I discovered? I'm jealous of you. Not just your international reputation as an entomologist. Or your ability to elicit such amazing loyalty from your staff. But your innate ability to connect things that take others eons to discover, if ever. You can look at evidence and develop a theory simultaneously. And when new evidence emerges, you can assimilate that into a different theory with no concern for being thought wrong about your previous theory. You look for the truth with no bounds. I can only see the truth in its relationship to me.

"And now, it looks like you'll also have the personal happiness that escaped me."

Grissom was awestruck. He would never have expected such a confession from Conrad Ecklie. Even though it was prompted by his own imminent departure, he was still touched.

"Too bad we didn't have this conversation long ago. We might have had fewer battles and more collegiality."

Ecklie gave a weak smile and shrugged. Both men sat in uncomfortable silence. Grissom felt the need to change the subject.

"Do you think it would be beneficial to appoint the new supervisor before I actually leave? That way, incoming cases could be supervised by them while I finish up the ones currently on my docket."

Relieved by the distraction, Ecklie thought a minute, then nodded. "Yes, that makes sense. I'll try to come to some decision today and we can announce it this evening before your shift begins."

Ecklie stood, a thought obviously percolating in his mind. "Would you be willing to work with the lab as a consultant? Most obviously with bug-related issues, but any other areas where you have experience might come into play." Grissom was caught off-guard. He hadn't considered such an offer might be forthcoming.

Seeing Grissom's hesitancy, Ecklie decided a hint of honesty was in order, considering his earlier confession. "In truth, the under sheriff is going to be furious at losing you, what with your international reputation and all. Keeping you as a consultant might placate him. And you could make some extra income on the side. Academia is not the most lucrative of fields."

Things just kept getting better for Grissom. With this offer, he could be selective in what he did with the lab and how extensively he participated. He could be involved in solving cases without the headaches, working with Sara and the others as a consultant, not a co-worker. "I'll think about it, Conrad. I can't make any decisions without consulting my better half. I'll let you know." Grissom would not make the same mistake twice.

Ecklie smiled in acknowledgement and moved toward the door. As an afterthought, Grissom spoke up. "Catherine is the logical choice for my replacement. She's familiar with the team and has supervisory experience."

Ecklie's caustic smile returned. "I don't want to be pressured into any decisions just because we've had a bonding moment. I'll look at all qualified candidates and let you know prior to shift."

Ecklie walked to the door and paused as he reached for the knob. "You know, I somehow thought that you and Sidle…" Ecklie stopped mid-sentence and shrugged, shaking his head as he opened the door, and exited.

"You're more observant of the truth than you realize, Conrad," said Grissom to an empty room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Catherine was still in shock. She had been called in to work early for a meeting with Ecklie. She had been in a panic, certain that he was going to ask questions about Gil and Sara. She had promised not to say anything and she wouldn't. But if she wasn't convincing with any answers she gave, it might affect her career when Ecklie discovered the truth.

Instead, she was notified that Grissom had tendered his resignation and she had been chosen as the new night shift supervisor, effective immediately. She would take on all new cases while Grissom handled the outstanding ones until his departure in two weeks. They would share the office until then.

Catherine now stood in the doorway of that office, reflecting on its character. Except for the furniture, nothing in this office belonged to the lab; it was all Grissom. Shelves of books and specimens, terrariums with bugs, even the Billy Bass, all the things that created the atmosphere of this office, belonged to Grissom. He would take them with him. And the heart and soul that this office represented would also be gone.

Catherine sat in the chair facing the desk. How many times had she sat here, discussing cases and evidence that perplexed her, instructing Grissom on how to deal with the politics of the lab, confessing to mistakes that she had made. Even much of her personal life had been focused in this office. Her many conflicts with Eddie had found resolution or comfort here. Her fears of not being a good mother, her issues with her own mother, her more recent daddy issues, all had found a comforting ear here, in this office.

She tried to shake the melancholy from her thoughts. Grissom's move was a sign of good things. A quick phone call to him after the meeting had confirmed that he had taken a teaching position. This move would allow Sara to continue working here, while satisfying his desire to teach and do research. Thinking as a mother who had worked difficult shifts, she also recognized that this would be a huge benefit once the baby arrived. Grissom would be home at night to care for the baby while Sara would be home with it during the day.

Catherine fervently hoped that they would remain close. Grissom was such a large part of her life. She couldn't imagine functioning without him. Yet she and Sara had never been close. It was not unusual for friends to drift apart when spouses didn't get along with the old friends. Catherine resolved to remedy any differences and become friends with Sara.

Grissom struggled into the office carrying numerous boxes, breaking her reverie. Upon dropping the boxes beside the desk, he noticed Catherine.

"Oh good, you're here. I'm working on the current paperwork. It should be out of your way within the next couple of days. I'll remove what I can of my personal belongings from the desk today to give you space. I'm afraid we'll have to share for awhile."

Taking a deep breath, Grissom looked at Catherine as if he was seeing her for the first time. "Congratulations, Catherine. You're going to be a good supervisor."

"Thanks, Gil. I know you had something to do with it."

Grissom shook his head. "Not at all. Not that I didn't try. But Ecklie informed me that he would make his own decision after reviewing all qualified candidates. Obviously, you are the most qualified.

"Now, Supervisor Willows, go get the new cases. Ecklie will be meeting us in the break room in ten minutes."

Ten minutes later, Catherine met Grissom outside the break room. They briefly discussed how to handle both the new and old cases. When they had settled on a course of action, he squeezed her arm, then nodded his head, indicating it was time to go in.

All of the team was gathered in the room, chatting away about the new trace tech on days who had botched a test and jeopardized a case. Grissom looked at Sara and winked. She gave him a weak smile. Catherine took a seat at the head of the table, excitement building. Moments later, Ecklie came bustling into the room. All chatter ceased.

"I have an announcement to make. Grissom has tendered his resignation. Effective immediately, Catherine Willows is the new night supervisor. All new cases will be supervised by her, while outstanding cases will be administered by Grissom until his departure. Screening is currently being conducted for a new CSI. You will be kept informed by your supervisor of all developments. Are there any questions?"

Only stunned silence greeted Ecklie. "Very well. Carry on, supervisors." He bustled out of the break room.

Greg was the first to speak. "You're leaving us?"

Grissom nodded his head. "I'm tired. I've never enjoyed the mechanics of being a supervisor. The paperwork is a nightmare and I've never gotten a handle on the politics involved in this job. Catherine is much better suited to deal with that than I am.

"The best part of this job has always been teaching you new elements of science and forensics. But you all are such good students, I've taught you everything I can here. I've accepted a teaching position at WLVU. It's the perfect opportunity to teach and pursue my research. And to have a personal life, which I encourage you all to do.

"It will be hard to leave you all. Catherine once told me that a family had been built around me whether I wanted it or not. I find that not only do I want it, I need it. I'm hoping we can all stay close. In fact, I'm planning a party at my place this Saturday night. It will be our first venture into a personal life separate from this lab. I've found that a personal life can be a very good thing."

Nick perked up. "You've met someone, haven't you?"

Grissom smiled. "If you're asking if I've found someone I want to spend my life with, then the answer is yes."

Nick turned around and hit Warrick on the arm. "I told you." Turning back to Grissom's raised eyebrow, he explained with embarrassment, "You've changed since this time last year. You've been more playful, happier, you've lost weight, and you've taken time off. My gut tells me you've found someone special."

"Special she is," said Grissom with conviction, trying hard not to look at Sara.

"Will she be at the party Saturday?" asked Greg.

Suddenly, Sara grabbed her mouth and ran toward the rest room. Everyone watched her leave, suddenly worried about how all of this was affecting her.

"She will be there," said Grissom as if there had been no distraction. "And we'll be making an announcement at that time. No more talk about my personal life until then. I'll be in my office clearing up paperwork. Keep me informed of progress on the Lerner, Kasberg, and Lee cases. Catherine, would you like to pass out assignments for the evening? I'm going to go check on Sara."

As Grissom left the room, everyone stared after him in bewilderment. Catherine broke the trance, passing out the few assignments quickly. "Are there any questions?"

Nick spoke out. "Did you know about this?"

Catherine shrugged. "I suspected something was up a few days ago and questioned him. He was very elusive. I had no idea he was quitting."

"I think Sara knew about the new woman, too. She and Grissom have been working a lot of cases together the last few months. She's an observant investigator. I bet she saw or heard something and figured it out. We all know how Sara feels about Grissom. She realized any chance she had with Grissom is over. I believe her illness is psychological. You saw how she just reacted to Grissom's news, running from the room to go throw up. I feel so bad for Sara."

Catherine wanted to share her knowledge, but was bound by her word of silence. "I'm going to go see if Sara is able to work tonight. If she is, I'll work this case with her. Keep me informed on each of your cases throughout the shift."

Catherine made a note to team herself with Sara until Saturday's gathering. Keeping her mouth shut was too exhausting.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Grissom had never hosted a party in his life. He had never been comfortable at social gatherings so planning one himself had been unthinkable. When Sara had suggested a party at the condo for the purpose of revealing their relationship, he didn't fight the idea. It was a good opportunity away from the lab to discuss the situation that would eventually affect them at work. It would also allow him to establish a non-working relationship with the people he had spent most of his time with over the past few years. He had told himself it was important for him to be sociable to facilitate Sara's continued work relationship with them. He refused to admit that it was for him, too. But as his involvement at the lab was diminishing and he saw less of them there, he was forced to accept the reality of his affection for them. He would miss this group if they left his life entirely.

Of course, he still would see them occasionally at the lab. He and Sara had discussed Ecklie's proposal to work as a consultant for the lab. They decided it was an excellent idea. Since the process of establishing a full-time position for him at the university was going to take longer than originally anticipated, the extra income would be appreciated. He could be involved in the portion of the lab work that he enjoyed – the science. His involvement would not be shift-oriented so he could work at a time convenient for him. It shouldn't affect his responsibilities teaching evenings. And when the baby came, he would work around Sara's time off and child care when needed.

The idea of a dinner party was sound. Initially, the plan had been for Sara to organize and cook everything and Grissom would help out by doing anything she told him. But they soon discovered that strong food odors were a primary source of Sara's nausea. It was difficult for her to cook simple things like oatmeal and impossible for her to cook anything with any pungency whatsoever. So they had resorted to plan B – a caterer.

But when they met with the caterer, Chef Michael, even the discussion of food options sent Sara running for the bathroom. Grissom had stumbled through the food selections alone, placing a lot of trust in the caterer himself. Later that evening, when she was well hydrated and full of protein, Grissom showed her the menu and got a weak nod of approval.

A quick scan of where they would seat everyone brought the realization that the townhouse was too small for a gathering, even one as small and intimate as this. Since no food was involved in this portion of the planning process, Sara had enthusiastically taken charge of the physical arrangements. The furniture was rearranged and table and chairs were rented to supplement the seating capacity. Grissom had an elegant set of china and silver that had been his mother's. Sara washed and polished everything to a shine. Floral arrangements, viewed odor-free online, were ordered for the tables.

Sara contemplated what to wear for days before finally making a decision. Today, full of excitement, she had showered and dressed two hours before their guests were scheduled to arrive. Then, when the caterer arrived with the food, the smell of the spinach lasagna had made her ill. With their guests' arrival imminent, she was forced to change and wash up again. She now sat in the bedroom in tears, nausea threatening again.

"My life is just one long series of disappointments. Now, I'll either ruin everyone's dinner being sick, or I'll have to sit in here all evening." Sara blew her nose and reached for another tissue.

If Grissom hadn't been suffering through Sara's morning sickness with her, he might have concluded that he was one of those disappointments. But he was confident in his position in Sara's life. And since their recent history included a string of meals ruined by nausea, he understood what she meant.

Grissom handed her a glass of water. "Honey, drink some water and get yourself hydrated. It will help. I'll bet if you lay down for awhile, you'll feel better, too. Then, when everyone arrives, you can join us."

Sara nodded her agreement and Grissom helped her out of her clothes and into the bed.

Just then the doorbell rang. Tears rolled down Sara's cheeks as Grissom closed the bedroom door, heading for the main entrance. Grissom opened the door to Catherine and Lindsay. Catherine gave Grissom a big smile and handed him a bottle of Dom Perignon. "For those of us who can, I brought a little bubbly to celebrate the big announcement."

"Thanks, Catherine. I'll put it in the refrigerator. Can I get you and Lindsay something to drink?" he said as he headed for the kitchen.

"I'll have a beer," announced Lindsay. Stopping short, Grissom, joined by Catherine, looked at her in amazement.

Recovering, Grissom grinned, "Coming right up." Any one who thought that Catherine's jaw could have dropped no lower would have been surprised.

Grissom continued to the refrigerator, and after placing the Champagne on the lower shelf, reached for two brown bottles on the shelf just above. Grabbing a bottle opener from the drawer, he popped the caps and walked over to Lindsay, handing her a root beer. He handed Catherine a Michelob, then watched in amusement as Lindsay pouted.

"Lindsay, why don't you go pick out some music for us to listen to," placated Grissom. Only slightly distracted from her mood, Lindsay went over and scanned the numerous discs that Grissom had housed on his shelves.

"Sara not feeling well?" inquired Catherine. Grissom shook his head.

"She's going to see if lying down will quell her nausea. She's been excited all week about finally telling everyone. I left her in there in tears." Grissom looked at the closed bedroom door.

"Do you want me to go talk to her and see how she is?"

Grissom shook his head. "I think if she just gets some rest and calms down, she can get through this. Half of the problem is fear of the nausea."

Catherine nodded in agreement.

The doorbell rang again and Grissom escorted Warrick and Nick into the room, followed shortly by Brass. Each of them carried a bottle of wine, which was soon exchanged for a beer. Nick went over to help Lindsay with the music selection and Brass sat down by Catherine, who had staked out a spot on the sofa.

Grissom smiled as he went into the kitchen to remove the appetizers from the oven and arrange them on the tray provided by the catering company. Grissom looked up from the tray and glanced around his townhouse. Lindsay was now sitting on the sofa with Catherine and Brass, the teen and older man vying for the title of longest belch from their respective 'beers'. Catherine rolled her eyes in mock disgust. Warrick and Nick stood by the book shelves sipping beer and discussing the attributes of the most recent acquisition to some ball team. Nick's toe was tapping to the Kenny Chesney CD he and Lindsay had picked out. Grissom was actually enjoying this!

Grissom was contemplating checking on Sara when the door bell rang. He rushed to admit their last guest, taking the bottle of wine Greg had brought. Grissom placed it in the refrigerator along with the other four bottles that had been presented to him.

"Can I get you something to drink, Greg?" Grissom called out from the kitchen. He was astounded at how quickly he had picked up on the duties of host.

Greg looked around the room and saw that most of the others held a beer in their hand. Seeing the root beer Lindsay was guzzling for her next belch, he stated, "I'll have the same as Lindsay. It seems to have made her giddy."

Greg headed to the sofa as he was greeted by everyone. When Grissom returned with his root beer, Greg hefted it toward Lindsay, then turning to Grissom asked, "Where is your lovely lady?"

All attention turned to Grissom. No one else had wanted to breach the subject first. "She isn't feeling well."

"So she won't be joining us?" inquired Warrick with disappointment.

"She will. She's lying down in the bedroom. When she became ill earlier, I convinced her to lie down until everyone arrived."

"Grissom, if she's not feeling well, maybe you should just let her rest," said a concerned Brass. "We can meet her another time."

"Jim, you've already met her." Everyone looked up surprised, while Catherine smiled knowingly. Grissom continued, "You've known her for years. She was very disappointed when she became ill. She's looked forward to this evening all week. Besides, I don't think this malady is going to go away anytime soon." Grissom and Catherine smiled, while everyone else looked concerned. "I'll go get her now that everyone is here."

Before Grissom could exit to the bedroom, Nick said, "So Sara isn't coming." He turned to Warrick. "I told you she wouldn't come."

"Oh, Sara's here," Catherine corrected, unable to stop herself.

Seeing Catherine's embarrassment at her faux pas and the look of confusion on the faces of the others, Grissom decided to give up the pretense. "Sara's lying down," he said. He watched the faces of the others as first perplexity, then realization settled upon them. When the daze began to lift and questions were imminent, he left the room to help Sara get dressed.

When Grissom and Sara entered the room a few minutes later, Sara noted the smiles and looks of acknowledgement on the faces of those in the room. She exclaimed with realization, "You told them without me!"

"Not exactly. I just gave them a clue or two." Grissom didn't want to divulge Catherine's culpability in the revelation. Besides, he himself couldn't keep the secret any longer.

"So did you also give them clues about the wedding?" Sara was obviously still disappointed at not being involved in the revelation.

Nick blurted out, "Wedding? How long have you two been seeing each other?"

Grissom smiled. "Just over a year. We've been functionally living together for nearly as long."

The entire room was stunned into silence. 'A year??' thought Catherine. She had suspected a few months at best. But a year? They had been amazingly adept at keeping this secret.

Looking around at the other staggered faces, Greg was the first to break the silence when he asked, "This is my job, to analyze evidence and figure stuff like this out. I'm embarrassed that I had no clue. But none of you had any idea, either, did you? You've been at this job much longer than me. If you didn't suspect something, I don't feel so bad."

Nick was defensive. "But we didn't have all the evidence. They've never given us the least bit of hint that they were together."

Grissom and Sara laughed together. Grissom explained. "Nick's right. If we were to continue working together after we became involved, we had to completely separate the personal from the professional. Otherwise, it might cross over to inappropriate. So we were careful never to let the two realms of our lives intersect. There were times that it was pretty tough."

"But why now? Why, after a year of silence, is it now necessary for you to quit the lab and get married?" Nick was suspicious.

Sara, Grissom and Catherine exchanged knowing glances. "It seems that Grissom is old fashioned. He thinks parents should be married before a baby is born," said Sara, ending with a smile she could contain no longer.

Mouths again dropped open as this newest bit of news was revealed. Brass was the first to regain his senses. He walked over to Sara and tenderly kissed her on the cheek. "You will be one fantastic mom," he said with conviction.

"That's what I keep telling her," exclaimed Catherine.

"You knew about this?" asked Warrick, surprised.

Nick chimed in, "You told me you didn't know anything!"

Catherine was quick to explain. "I knew Sara was pregnant. I recognized the signs when she was sick for so long. When I confronted her with it, the other half of the equation was obvious. Nick said it. Sara has been in love with Grissom for years. Who else could it be?

"Nick, you asked if I knew about Grissom's resignation, which I didn't know about."

"How is it that everyone seems to have known how Sara felt except me?" asked Grissom with a puzzled look on his face.

"You knew, bug man," declared Brass. "You were just afraid to admit it. Just as much as you were afraid to admit how much you love her."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Well, I admit it now." Grissom turned to Sara and took both of her hands into his and said, boldly, "I love Sara Sidle more than life itself. And I pledge my life to making her happy." He moved to her back and wrapped his arms around her, placing his hands on her abdomen. "And we will both love and protect the symbol of our love growing here."

Touched, Catherine spoke for the first time since the drama began playing out. "With a declaration like that, who needs a wedding?" Everyone laughed.

"Well, since we already have one planned, we might as well indulge," said Grissom. He nudged Sara, indicating that she should reveal this information.

"The nuptials are Tuesday morning, 10:30 at the Bellagio conservatory. We'll have a brunch immediately after to celebrate. We planned it later in the morning to accommodate shift running a bit late. I hope you all will be there."

"Me too?" Lindsay spoke for the first time, reminding everyone that she was there.

Grissom smiled. "Of course, you too. I'm sure mom will let you take off school for the morning festivities, won't you Mom?"

Catherine looked skeptical, then smiled broadly. "How can I deny her the opportunity to see what most of us thought would never happen. Gil Grissom corralled."

Just then the oven timer went off, indicating that it was time to serve the lasagna. Grissom and Sara unentwined themselves and Sara began seating their guests while Grissom began placing the lasagna on plates. Grissom placed the plates in front of their guests, as Sara opened the first bottle of wine and began pouring. When almost everyone was served, she opened a bottle of ginger ale and poured it into wine glasses for Lindsay and herself.

Sara sat at the end of the table near the open window in hopes of avoiding the food aromas. Grissom sat next to her and took her hand in his. Interrupted from her conversation with Lindsay, Sara turned and looked into Grissom's eyes. Gazing back at her were blue orbs, full of love and happiness. Sara had never been happier in her life. Yet, somehow she knew that this was just the beginning.

Grissom took his glass and knife in hand, stood, and tapped his glass to gain the attention of the diners. When everyone had turned to him in silence, he put down the knife and held his wine glass high.

"I would like to propose a toast: to my lovely bride to be, our future family, and all of our extended family here with us today. May our lives be full of love and contentment."

Phrases of concurrence rang through the room as the group toasted and celebrated their lives together.


End file.
